and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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