yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
