She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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