Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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