More tranny stories later!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
