White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
