No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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