We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
