i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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