Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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