I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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