let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
