It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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