She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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