Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
