Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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