my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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