I think my vagina is haunted
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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