Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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