You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
