Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
