you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
