so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
