Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
