420 ftw
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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