I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
