I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
