My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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