I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I party with great urgency now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
