Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
