It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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