If that was your dad, he is hot
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
