Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
