I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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