that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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