everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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