omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After tacos, we're chasing women.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
