if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
