New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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