Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
