haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
