she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
