Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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