problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
