They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
