You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
