i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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