zippers are such a cool invention
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
