I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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