Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
this boner is exhausting
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
