Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
